Mollie, I think you would get a lot out of reading a book by the psychologist, Robert W. Firestone, PhD, entitled "The Fantasy Bond". (I am reading the digital version through my library.). He addresses much of what you've written about here. A premise of the book is that, all too often, we (those of us with deep unmet childhood needs) form a fantasy bond with our partners and our children, in order to stave off existential fears - to deny the realities in The Five Remembrances - and, in doing so, constrict our lives, stunt our own growth and the growth of the person with whom we have the fantasy bond, and, often, destroy the healthy bond by having unrealistic demands and expectations that the person can give us what our parents didn't give us. That was a lot, I know:). I just really think this book would interest you. It is so in line with much of what you've written.
This sounds fascinating, Stefanie! I haven't heard of this book yet - I'm going to check it out. Thank you so much for your kind words about the post. I'm so glad it resonated. ❤️
Wow! I SO needed to read this today, Mollie. Thank you! I remember reading The Five Remembrances, when I was in my 20's, and deciding that Buddhism is depressing and nihilistic. At almost 55, not only do I see that these remembrances are absolute truths, but I can also see how embracing them is not only brave but wise, but that, in doing so, we really understand and experience the preciousness and sacredness of every moment. And, as you pointed out, we also see that all we can control (and should control) is our own actions - what we let into our hearts and minds, and what we put out into the world.
Wow, so much wonderful food for our souls here, Mollie! Thank you again!
Mollie, I think you would get a lot out of reading a book by the psychologist, Robert W. Firestone, PhD, entitled "The Fantasy Bond". (I am reading the digital version through my library.). He addresses much of what you've written about here. A premise of the book is that, all too often, we (those of us with deep unmet childhood needs) form a fantasy bond with our partners and our children, in order to stave off existential fears - to deny the realities in The Five Remembrances - and, in doing so, constrict our lives, stunt our own growth and the growth of the person with whom we have the fantasy bond, and, often, destroy the healthy bond by having unrealistic demands and expectations that the person can give us what our parents didn't give us. That was a lot, I know:). I just really think this book would interest you. It is so in line with much of what you've written.
This sounds fascinating, Stefanie! I haven't heard of this book yet - I'm going to check it out. Thank you so much for your kind words about the post. I'm so glad it resonated. ❤️
My phone wallpaper immediately after reading this? A still life with a skull & flowers & i might not be here tomorrow 🌸💀🌸
YES MA'AM. 💀
Wow! I SO needed to read this today, Mollie. Thank you! I remember reading The Five Remembrances, when I was in my 20's, and deciding that Buddhism is depressing and nihilistic. At almost 55, not only do I see that these remembrances are absolute truths, but I can also see how embracing them is not only brave but wise, but that, in doing so, we really understand and experience the preciousness and sacredness of every moment. And, as you pointed out, we also see that all we can control (and should control) is our own actions - what we let into our hearts and minds, and what we put out into the world.
Wow, so much wonderful food for our souls here, Mollie! Thank you again!
Stefanie